I’ve learned in recovery that telling people about my addiction is important but not a requirement. The only person I must be honest with at all times is me. It took a tremendous amount of pain and suffering before I could break through the denial and admit I was a sex addict. I don’t ever want to forget it.

Deciding who in my life should know about my sex addiction is a complicated question. I live with a healthy dose of caution about disclosing it to just anyone. However, there was a time when I imagined telling certain people would somehow make all the hurt I caused go away. That was a fantasy. Being honest will not necessarily repair the pain I may have caused people in my life. Trust takes time to repair.

Not everyone close to me knows about my sex addiction, but many do. I remember the day I told my mother. I’d been dumped yet again by another Mr. Right, and the pain of withdrawal was overwhelming. Uncontrollably sobbing on the phone like a heroin addict going through detox, she asked what was wrong. I told her the truth. I’d gotten involved in a relationship without being healthy enough to be in one, and the relationship ended. I told her I was seeing a therapist who specialized in sex addiction. She listened compassionately, and the truth was out. We haven’t spoken about it since, except when I excuse myself from family gatherings because I have to go to a “meeting.”

In therapy, I discussed disclosing my sex addiction to people close to me. At the time, my ex-boyfriend had somehow reappeared in my life, and my therapist was pushing me to tell him about my addiction. I never did. The relationship ended several months later. Was it because I couldn’t be honest? I don’t know, but I have committed to being as honest with my next partner as I can be.

The ninth step says we make amends to people we have hurt as long as the amends doesn’t injure them or us any further. I believe that is a good rule. I’ve seen others disclose to the wrong people and cause more pain. I’ve also heard of the truth being used against a person in a custody battle.

Recovery from sex addiction has been incredibly challenging. Talking to a sponsor, sharing in the groups, and asking for guidance from a higher power is the bar minimum before I make the decision to tell someone about my addiction. Is it the best way? I don’t know. It’s been my way.