What is Intergroup? It's a year-long business meeting that doesn't end at the end of the year....it just goes on year after year. In March 1998, Paul W completed a year-long service commitment as Chair of NY Intergroup. I caught up with Paul one afternoon recently and asked him about his experiences as Chair of NY Intergroup.
David: You've just completed a year as Chair of NY Intergroup. Can you tell me, what is Intergroup?
Paul: Intergroup is a group of representatives that get together once a month to talk about issues that affect SCA NY as a whole. The Representatives are elected individuals from each meeting. There are Committees like Literature, Retreat, that report at the Intergroup meeting on developments in the Fellowship. Also issues that come up at meetings and affect the fellowship as a whole are discussed at Intergroup.
David: What does Intergroup achieve in its monthly meetings?
Paul: I think it achieves quite a lot. One of the main things is that Intergroup acts as a conduit for important information that may affect the fellowship as a whole, such as service requirements for special events or ISO Conference planning. Information can be distributed to representatives who then can take that information back to the meetings they represent and distribute that information to the individual members of the fellowship. That's the main purpose of Intergroup. Secondary, but just as important to that, is that it allows each meeting representative to weigh in on issues that affect the fellowship as a whole. Each group is autonomous and Intergroup acknowledges that, but the individual meetings need to be represented to the fellowship as whole. Intergroup is the mechanism through which this happens.
David: What are some of the difficulties you encountered as Chair of Intergroup?
Paul: One of my biggest difficulties was that I was terrified. I had been a representative the previous year and there were some events that had occurred when I was a representative that I felt uncomfortable about, in terms of the way people interacted. I was really afraid to be in the position of trusted servant to facilitate a meeting where that sort of thing might play out again.
David: Did being the Chair of Intergroup help you with your own sobriety?
Paul: Absolutely. The most simple and direct way was that it gave me a place to be every third Sunday of the month from 3:00pm to 5:00pm to facilitate the meeting. Don't misunderstand me, if I hadn't been there someone else would have done it, but I had made a commitment and it really offered me an opportunity to follow through on that commitment. The other thing that it taught me was that I didn't do it perfectly and that was okay. It was really alright. I showed up at each meeting and did the best I could do and I tried to treat myself and everyone in the room with respect. As a perfectionist, it was really valuable to be in a situation where I could practice letting things be. As a sex addict in recovery, sometimes I get myself into grey areas. My sponsor helps me realize that that is part of the fabric of my day and that my reaction is what can either keep me in sobriety or take me out of sobriety. Intergroup gave an opportunity to practice being imperfect while remaining in sobriety.
David: What do you think you achieved personally in your year as Intergroup Chair?
Paul: I think I was able to let go of some of my fear about showing up and doing that kind of service. I also feel I built some confidence around it. I felt that the more I did it the better I got at it, and that felt really fulfilling. It also gave me an opportunity to work with people from the fellowship who I might otherwise have not got to know. That was really valuable. In terms of Intergroup itself, I feel the biggest success in a practical way was the Beginner's Pamphlet. Finishing that piece of literature, and seeing it possibly accepted by ISO as piece of literature for the whole fellowship feels successful to me.
David: What advice would you give to the incoming Chair?
Paul: Well if he were here...... (laughs) It's funny that you should ask that question..... [The Interviewer is in fact the incoming Chair of NY Intergroup. Ed.]. My predecessor told me to "Run for the hills!" (Laughs). I thought that was funny and then I got terrified. I think the advice I would give the incoming Chair is to trust his/her instincts because they will be a good indication of the direction the meeting needs to go to. The other thing I would say is, have faith that everyone who is there is there because they want to be there and has something valuable to contribute. Sometimes it is incumbent on the Chair to bring the group back to the issue on the floor because of time restrictions, while keeping in mind that everyone's contribution is valuable. I feel fortunate to have worked with the people I worked with in Intergroup and to have seen their commitment to their work and to representing their groups and keeping their groups informed.
David: How do you think you might take what you learned as Chair of Intergroup back into your life?
Paul: I feel I developed more confidence in myself and I learned how to give space to people I didn't necessarily agree with. I think I learned how to value their opinions and to listen to them, truly listen to them, not just wait politely till they had finished. That was certainly something Intergroup will allow me to take back into my life, the belief that "you are valuable", and though I may not agree with you, I am going to give you the respect to listen to you. I am grateful for the opportunity to have been Intergroup Chair, because of the reality that it wasn't always pleasant. It wasn't always fun. I didn't always feel good about it, but when the last meeting came and we had elections, the feeling that was in the room made me think "I'm glad I did this!" I felt glad I had shown up. I felt okay that it had not been perfect. I felt I had brought so many different aspects of myself to the service.....I felt I could use my humor, my sensitivity, my feelings, my listening skills. Being the Chair offered me the opportunity to share all these parts of myself with others. I got to see people do work that meant so much to them and that they were really proud of. I felt it ended on such a high note and I'm grateful to be able to walk away with that experience.