How many times have we heard and said this famous, short masterpiece, used by millions over the years? How many times have the words gone through our heads or passed our lips? Yet have we really taken the time to think just what it means? Just part of the ritual, many of us have thought. But with more and more time in the Program, the words began to take on more meaning and the Prayer really began to make sense and become a true tool for our everyday living.
"Serenity..." The dictionary [Webster's New Collegiate] defines it as "the quality or state of being serene; clear and free of storms or unpleasant change; shining bright and steady in glory; marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude." Wow! That sounds fantastic! How do we go about getting that? The Serenity Prayer says by acceptance, courage and wisdom.
"...to accept the things I cannot change..." In our everyday lives there are scores of people, places, things which none of us have the ability to change, no matter how hard we try. That gorgeous number has every right to walk down the street dressed to leave very little to the imagination. Our partners have a right to have and express and act on their feelings, no matter if we like that or not. The person down the street can be an angry, hostile asshole all he wants, even if it "tears us up". The stereo is going to break down when its time is right, whether we like it or not. We might come down with the three day flu, just when the "date of the year" is coming up. Those porno movies and bookstores are just businesses, no matter if they're "sleazy" or not, and are just a part of the scene. These are all things that we are powerless over, can't control, and with this Prayer are asking our Higher Power to help us accept just they way that they are -- or are not -- and let them go for Him to handle in His very own way.... to surrender to Him, and TRUST that His way is the best for us.
"...the courage to change the things I can..." There are lots of these kinds of things. Our addictions. Our manner of thinking and living -- being controllers, manipulators, judging others and ourselves unduly, being constant criticizers. The way we relate to others -- including the asshole. The language and nuances we use. Maybe the suggestive way we dress. The way we don't take care of ourselves. "Courage" could read "willingness", too. Willingness to take hold of our lives and take responsibility for each of our choices -- choices given us as free spirits by our Higher Power. Because we are fully responsible for them, whether we like it or not. No one else is going to take responsibility for us. We can blame others all we want for all the shit that's gone down for us, but the bottom line is: Baby, it's all ours! So, with this Prayer, we're asking our Higher Power to give us the courage to take actions for ourselves, and not expect George to do it. We can't just sit back and expect our Higher Power to do it all for us either; we need to take action with His guidance.
"...the wisdom to know the difference." While some things are pretty obvious as to whether we can do anything about them or not, there are many "fine line" things in our lives, too. Things maybe that aren't the best in the world for us, but, for the time being might be an OK thing to ease the pain while we go after the biggies. Others are even more subtle than that, and we're pretty hard put to try to discern for ourselves which things we should just accept and let be, and which things need our action or attention. So, in this part of the Prayer, we are asking our Higher Power for His guidance, to know His Will for us, for clarity in each decision we make, or need to make, and, really, for the strength to carry out a decision once it's made.
And all this comes through if and when we let it. But it takes surrender -- and acceptance. It takes shutting up and listening and going with the feeling, with the real intuition. It's there. Waiting for us to pick up and run with it -- one day at a time.
An old Mother Goose rhyme has another way of looking at it:
"For every ailment under the sun,
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there is none, never mind it."
Recovery is a miracle -- each one of us is a walking miracle.