Somewhere along the line, we bottomed out and realized, with the sometimes subtle, sometimes not so subtle, prodding of our Higher Power -- whether we recognized it or not -- that we did indeed have choices. Well, at least one or two, now and then. We could go to a meeting or stay at home and prime ourselves to act out the with aid of a little pornography or even a hot underwear ad in the newspaper, or a pair of binoculars, or a piece of used clothing or other ways not appropriate to mention here. Now and then we took the choice of going to meetings -- and started growing.
We found there were a few more choices: picking up the phone and making a Program call -- a call for help or to give support to someone having a hard time or just to see if someone was there -- or dialing a 976 number. More and more we made those Program calls.
We found there were streets to drive and places to visit other than the one or two which added fuel to our compulsions, and more and more we chose those which were healthy for us.
We found there was a lot of reading material around which entertained us, or gave us more insight as to our problems, or helped us get a feeling for spirituality; and we chose those more and more rather than the sex books and titillating ads.
We found more in people than just hot buns or gorgeous legs or great, but short-lived romance or sex; we found compassion, support, love, trust -- TRUST! And, more frequently, we found ourselves choosing those who were healthier for us.
As we progressed in the Program and in our growth and in our spirituality, we found that life was nothing but choices, and the choices were totally up to us, in concert with our Higher Power; that for every choice we made there was a consequence, and we were totally responsible for that consequence -- "good" or "bad." More and more we learned that as we surrendered and let go to our Higher Power, healthy choices became more apparent to us; the voice inside became stronger and stronger; our choices for ourselves became healthier and built and strengthened our self-esteem rather than tear it down and grind it into the crap of the gutter, as they had in the past. We started taking loving care of ourselves and began to be able to look in the mirror in the morning and see beauty and love instead of ugliness and shame. We started showing others just how many choices there were and how making the right choices for ourselves became easier with the love and guidance of our Higher Power.
We started living. We chose to see that no matter how dark and hurtful the past had been, we could now live and breathe in the light of love and health. What other choice could there be?